I knew you were trouble
by dualce
Summary: Lovino is dragged to a New Year'e Eve party by his friends, where he ends up at the bar with a charming bartender named Alfred.


I completely forgot about this story. Original version on tumblr, but of course I can't figure out an easy way to get a web address to show up. (Dammit, .) More notes below. And a thousand points if you can spot all the guest characters!

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Romerica winter wonderland fic for ahsonten! This isn't a fic so much as a very short and silly timeline of Lovino's thoughts on New Year's, but I hope you enjoy it. (I just haven't had time to write much over the past couple of weeks, so I'm sorry this is what you end up with!) And also, I'm sure everyone knows by now that I'm terrible at titling things (and my taste in music is even worse), so I won't apologize for that, but I will beg forgiveness for breaking my promise of attempting humor in my fics. ;_;

The prompt I choose was: _Lovino is dragged to a New Year'e Eve party by his friend, Antonio. He ends up at the bar with a loud but charming bartender named Alfred, where they talk about how they both don't want to be there and begin to bond. By the end of the night they share a New Years kiss._

Warnings: just for the usual swearing, and Lovino mercilessly mocking everyone. Well, almost everyone.

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7:02 pm: Not sure why we're at the bar, since midnight is 5 FUCKING HOURS AWAY.

7:03: Oh yes, I know why. Antonio told Feliciano and I to meet him for dinner. Went expecting something home cooked and now have to eat bar food. Bastard.

7:37: Not sure if this counts as food if it's been fried until the actual _food_ part is gone.

7:59: Sitting at the bar after Antonio and one of his idiot perverted friends tried to grope me and spilled the fried monstrosity down my shirt. Now smell like grease. With a hint of perversion.

8:18: Yet to get any service. Bartender scowling – or leering? – at me. Seems to be wearing a pirate hat. It's New Years, not fucking Halloween! Not sure where eyebrows end and hairline begins, either.

8:20: Antonio just came up to the bar to annoy me and is now talking to bartender. So, he's another one of Antonio's perverted friends. Antonio doesn't even notice the bartender helping himself to a grope over the bar! Idiot.

8:25: New bartender better than pirate one. At least I have a glass of wine now.

8:31: Belle took me to the bathroom and helped me clean up. Also gave me chocolate. Not sure where it came from – she's not carrying a purse or anything – but it's delicious. She's the best.

8:34: Lost spot at bar. Mother_fucker_!

8:35: Not going back to table. Spanish pervert, French pervert, and German pervert have taken over.

8:36: _Fuck_. Better check on Feliciano.

8:41: Rescued Feliciano, but unspeakable horrors have been done to me. Desperately need a drink.

8:44: Eyebrows is drinking his bar out of business.

8:47: Good thing there's at least _one_ decent bartender here.

8:48: Feel slightly bad for him, looks like he's doing the work of three people.

9:00: Belle and brother moved a table together with ours. Feel safe sitting with them. Relatively safe. _Relatively_.

9:10: Other bastard arrived. Ordered potatoes. Fucking _dis_gusting, what the hell does Feliciano see in him?

9:15: Hungry.

9:18: Feliciano is holding hands with potato bastard (the younger) under the table. Nauseated. Couldn't eat if I wanted to.

9:20: I lied, still hungry. Am I growing an immunity to the potato bastard?

9:20: OH GOD WHAT IF I AM GROWING AN IMMUNITY TO THE POTATO BASTARD?

9:30: Knew Belle's brother was good for something. Scary looking, but just pulled Antonio off of me.

9:37: Gave in. Ordered a salad. Americans can't fuck that up, can they?

9:40: Feliciano's friend Kiku arrived. He's okay.

9:47: Salad here! Thank the lord.

9:52: Salad terrible, _if_ there's any salad underneath the ocean of dressing. Curse the lord.

10:04: Belle and Ned's younger brother arrived. Rich and snobby looking. More gel in hair than actual hair, I think.

10:11: Keeps commenting on how rich he is. Asshole.

10:14: Hmm. If he's so rich, he can afford plastic surgery after I punch his snobby face in, right?

10:29: Kiku looking pale and swaying in his seat. He's a lightweight.

10:30: May have been wrong about Ned. He's looking pervertedly at Kiku.

10:32: There's a tie around Kiku's head. Where did that come from? Wait, is he flirting with Ned?! Someone help me.

10:37: Feliciano's _cooing_ at potato bastard. _I can't take this anymore_...!

10:41: Have been regulated to bar again. Fine, I wanted to be here! Don't have to put up with rich bastard, scary bastard, Spanish bastard, French bastard, German bastard, etc. Too many fucking bastards.

10:45: Bartender's name is Alfred. Not that I _asked_.

10:53: Fairly good looking if you like sun-blonde hair and unbearable enthusiasm.

10:55: Did I just think the bartender was good looking? I need to slow down on the wine.

10:59: He does have a very nice smile. Very white. Does he bleach his teeth? OH shit he's coming over.

11:00: Wait, it's not like he can read my mind. Act naturally, Vargas. Smile, for fuck's sake.

11:05: Looks like I'm not the only person here that's trapped here with annoying friends. At least I don't have to _work_ with them. That's a slight relief. Sucks for Alfred, though.

11:09: God, his eyes are _blue_.

11:10: ...what am I thinking. I've seen plenty of blue eyes in my life.

11:13: Do bartenders usually drink while they work? Not that I blame him, and yes, the wine is good._ I_ picked it off the menu, after all. I'm not even going to say anything about how _I'm_ the one buying that –

11:14: Alfred just comped the bottle of wine. I'm...not impressed or anything, that's just good service. Or policy. Or – whatever.

11:16: Doesn't Alfred have more customers to serve? He's been here awhile. Not that I mi– I mean, I don't _mind_ sitting alone. Anything is better than those bastards I came here with.

11:19: Apparently there's another bartender, but I don't see him...?

11:23: The drunk bartender with the eyebrows is trying to make Alfred go back to work.

11:24: The mouth on Antonio's fucking bartender friend! How unprofessional. And fucking rude.

11:25: Asshole bartender's gone. Said something about the pervert Englishman – he's English, that explains _everything_ – and Alfred laughed. It's nice that someone gets my sense of humor, finally.

11:30: Said something about the English and their culinary skills, and...nothing.

11:32: Alfred can't tell that the food here is crap. What the _fuck_.

11:34: LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA IS NOT ITALIAN FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

11:35: NEITHER IS THE OLIVE GARDEN OH MY FUCKING GOD –

11:40: I'm going to vomit.

11:42: Alfred's holding my hand and apologizing as I breathe deeply. I will be okay. Eventually. As soon as I can get the disturbing images out of my mind. He doesn't know what they do to their pasta. He doesn't _know_.

11:50: Feeling better, although Alfred hasn't let go of my hand yet. Well...that's...fine.

11:55: Okay, this will not stand. I'm going to make him something _Italian_ and _delicious_ and show Alfred just how good food is meant to taste.

11:57: Alfred said yes, of course, and is smiling like an idiot. I'm...not. And it's not a date! Unless...I mean, if he wants it to be. Fine.

11:58: Almost midnight. Alfred's supposed to be getting the champagne bottles out now, isn't he?

11:59: What's more important than –

12:05 am: Oh.

12:06: Alfred gets off at 1. Well, it's not like I'm doing anything else, am I?

12:07: That came out rudely, I should just – I'll just make it up to Alfred very quickly with a, uh, um. Oh, just _do it_, Vargas.

12:07: GET OFF ANTONIO! Always at the wrong time! FUCKING ALWAYS.

12:08: Everyone should just _shut the fuck up_. I'm not blushing.

12:09: I AM NOT BLUSHING.

12:10: Et tú, Feliciano? After _all_ the _shit_ I've _done_ for him.

12:10: I AM ALSO NOT YELLING.

12:15: Is it 1 yet?

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The end.


End file.
